How many different dinosaurs do you know, my dear Pandas? This is a challenging question for you. Do not Google! We don’t want to brag, but we know someone who can list more than 30 of these! Nothing is worth boasting about if that isn’t. Many of us undoubtedly had a lot more confidence when we were younger than we have today. We didn’t overthink things; instead, we just spoke our thoughts and carried out our own desires. And braggadocio in public, whether at school, on the playground, or at home, differed greatly from humble-bragging at work or school. Children would flex about the most bizarre things.
#1

Not a kid but when I was 5, I had a mad crush on the 20 yo. daughter of this wealthy family friend of ours. I had asked for her hand in marriage and she agreed willingly. Playful to her but fully serious on my part, she was carrying her soon to be groom when her mother confronted me. “you need to have money if you want to marry my daughter”. I looked right into her eyes and without missing a beat reached into my little pockets and tossed her a penny. Her face priceless, my smirk flawless. My game never peaked again.
#2

My 5 year-old son woke up with his voice hoarse from a cold. Me: oh, you’ve got a cold. Him, solemnly: no, I think i’m a man now.
#3

My son, 4 at the time, was (I guess) trying to impress the 6 year old neighbor girl. He leaned casually on his arm and said, “I have lots of accidents. Pee and poop accidents.” I hope for his sake his pick up lines improve.
#4

My 8 year old son’s doctor was trying to make him comfortable during an EKG by telling him he had to leave his ear with the doctor. They went back and forth for a while and finally the doctor said he would trade him the ear for a lollipop. My son said he would not give up his ear but wanted the lollipop. The doctor said, “What! That is not a fair trade. What will you give me for the lollipop?” My son answered dead serious, “I get the lollipop and you get my respect.”
#5

When my son was about 5 we went to visit relatives in the Washington, DC area. We were on the Metro when my son eyed a very pretty professional young woman. “I’ve got a lot of blocks,” he told her. “If you come to my room I’ll show you.” Then he made motorcycle noises for about 10 seconds.

#6

When my son was 5, a waitress at Applebees asked him how old he was, to which he exclaimed, “I’m 5 and I pooped today!” I think everyone within 4 tables of us was very impressed.

#7

Sassy Niece after 1st day in school: “I learned how to count to eleventy today, I bet you can’t!” Weird flex but… wait. I indeed cannot count to eleventy.
#8

My son told me he doesn’t need school because he already knows the name of 10 dinosaurs.

For anyone who wants to know, my son’s favorite dino is the Spinosaurus.
#9

While leaving a family gathering, my cousin asked my little boy for a fist bump. My child refused, cousin said ‘come on, why no fist bump?’ My kid, 5 at the time, looks him straight in the eye and says ‘I don’t want to break every bone in your arm’.

#10

My son was in the tub and asked exactly how old he was. Me: “Ummmmm…about 4 years, 10 months, and 4 days.” After a few moments of deep thought, I heard him say quietly and reverently to himself: “…and I haven’t been bit by a single wild animal.” Oh man. Still kills me.
#11

Had an Amber Alert hit my phone one night while my then 6yo was playing a game on it. She asks what that was and I explained it’s a message that gets sent out of a kid gets kidnapped. She looks at it again and sees it’s for a town over two hours from where we live. She then asks me why they sent to if it’s so far away. I said because they want everyone to look and find the kid, wouldn’t you want everyone to look if you got kidnapped? They want to find the kid so they don’t get killed. She leans over close to my ear and whispers “I’m very difficult to kill”

#12

My 7 y/o daughter didn’t want our houseguests to go in her room because that might see her awards (good grades, tae kwon doe belts). She worried they would think she was famous.

#13

My wedding day. The ring bearer (5yo) is meeting one of my groomsmen (19yo) for the first time ever. Ring bearer walks up, is introduced and he responds by going “I know where your nuts are. And, I’m the perfect height to just punch them!” Then he just stood there.

#14

A friend of mine had two young boys. The older one, maybe 5, was sitting with him and pointed at a white hair and said “what’s this papa?” My friend said “oh it just means I’m getting old” and his son looked at him dead serious, looked at his brother and said “Well. I guess it’s just us and mom soon, huh?”
#15

My 7 year old said “ I know everything until you ask me a question”. Whelp, … ok.